Monday, March 9, 2009

When are you going to have a kid?

This is a question that my wonderful husband I get asked far too often. I want so badly to tell people to mind their own business. My answer to the question has always been "not today" and it's the truth. Jace will say things like "not within the next 9 months" or whatever. We've actually gotten pretty good at answering this question without actually giving away any personal information. I'm hoping that with this post, you will understand why I hate getting asked that question.

In October 2002, the night Jace asked me to marry him, we had a long discussion about the plans for our future. See up until this point we never made any references to our future. We never really discussed our many hopes and dreams. We were just dating, and you aren't supposed to talk about that stuff until you are in an "established relationship," right?

Anyway, one of the things we discussed that night was the idea of having children. I'll tell you, at the age of 20, kids were the last thing on my mind…but it is one of those things you should discuss before you get married (you know, just to make sure you are on the same page). I don't remember all the details of the conversation, but we came to the conclusion that we both really wanted kids.

Our plan was always to wait until we were both ready. I love a good plan! Neither of us would pressure the other into thinking that it was time to have kids. We got married young (he was 23 and I was 21), so we had plenty of time to have kids later. We never really were one of those couples that said "we will start trying on our fourth anniversary so we can have a child by our fifth year" or "we will have two children before I'm thirty." It never was like that for us. We just said we would know when we were ready.

We had the "lets have a kid" discussion in October 2006. As mentioned earlier, I like a good plan, so we decided that we would start saving up (with the intention that I would quit my job when we had a kid), we would go on our crazy roller coaster vacation (because you can't do that with a kid), and then we would start trying. The next year, both my younger sister and his younger brother got engaged, which meant that we would have to attend two weddings that year, and both of them involved travel, so no need to have a kid during that time. There was no way I was about to "steal their thunder" either.

Well we've been officially trying to get pregnant for about 18 months now. The past 18 months have been lots of fun!! I thoroughly enjoyed the "trying" part of this process.

So I'm sure you can see now where this story is going…we found out a few months ago, that there is a really good chance that we may never be able to have children.


The idea of fertility treatments and extreme measures were never an option for us. I have nothing against anyone who has used treatments to get pregnant, I want to make it clear that they do work, and not everyone ends up like "Octo-mom." It is a personal decision to do that, and we chose not to. After talking about this issue, a lot, we just decided that we didn't really care if our children were biological or not. It doesn't make a difference to either of us. If we chose to do treatments, the fact is that we could spend years trying, and at the end we could still be childless.

So about two months ago, we decided that we really wanted a baby. We decided that we are going to adopt a baby! I'm very excited about the research that is available to anyone over the internet. We found so many useful websites and so many helpful people. After lots of research, we decided that an international adoption would work best for us. If everything works out, it may be two years before we actually get to hold our baby, but I think it is a pretty good plan, and you know how much I love a good plan.

3 comments:

  1. oh my gosh! as you know, i'm SO excited! i can't wait...and not that it matters now, but you could have totally stolen *my* thunder! ;) you know i'm here every step of the way! i get to live vicariously through you...and you'll be a great reference later!

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  2. Wow! I had no idea. I feel so shallow because we've talked about not liking when people would ask "the question," but my reason for not liking it seems dumb now. Congratulations on y'alls decision to adopt. The two of you will be wonderful parents. If you want any practice in the interim period, Stella is always available and you know she just loves her Emily time.

    - Damon

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  3. Awww, Emily! Well, I think you & Jace have a good plan! Adoption is a great thing! Just ask my sister, Jennifer! :)

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